For some reason, nearly a year on, I found myself thinking about you today. I guess you’re in my thoughts less now, but you’re still there. But today was different. I received a card from someone who lives in New Zealand, who was here recently, but we never really set the record straight, and then I just thought about how difficult it is because we’re so far away. But some people never got the chance to tell you explicitly how much you meant to them. At least not to your face. Letters, texts, Facebook, Tumblr, thoughts, and prayers can only say so much to someone who’s gone. Sometimes you need to know that they’ve heard you, and understand that what you’ve said has registered. And the funny thing is, I’m not really the sentimental type, but I began to get all teary, even though we weren’t even that close. I posted on Twitter, not specifically about you, but about this other person too. One of my friends - in fact she’s probably one of my closest and dearest friends - texted me, and told me it was ok to let myself feel whatever was going on inside, and to allow myself to remember you. And weirdly - and this is really weird for me as I never do this - I just closed my eyes and trusted that I could communicate with you. And for about a minute I saw you and we spoke. This could be imagination, I don’t know, but it felt so intense and real that I can’t quite describe exactly what convinced me it was you, but I’m sure it was. And guess what? You made me laugh. You told me to stop being upset, what’s done is done, that you liked being remembered, that you would have loved to go to university, but that we can’t do anything about it now. Hearing it from you was perhaps hardest of all. I know it was you. I’m just sure of it. We laughed about you know who, and you really made me feel ok. So thank you for being there. It really helped for some reason. I’m sorry that I didn’t cry at your funeral, I feel somehow in not crying I never quite made the transition to the other side. I’m also sorry if you or your friends felt I trod on anybody’s toes with the song, I wasn’t sure whether it was appropriate or not, but I just wanted to communicate that you touched so many people probably more than you can comprehend. And also I felt it was important for your parents to see it too. I’ve never been hugged so tight as when your mum hugged me that day. Anyway, I miss you. Maybe not as much as some of your other closer friends, but I still do, and would love to catch up sometime.
Speak soon, maybe. We’ll see :)
Love Henry x
we’re about to talk. i think it’s time for me to start calling the shots in my personal life, so i need to end this, but that doesn’t mean i will… haha wish me luck
